We’re thrilled to be talking to Boris Kharmalov from Robert J Dornan’s, 23 Minutes Past 1 A.M. It is a pleasure to have him with us today at Pimp That Character!
Thank you for your interview, Boris. How old are you and what do you do for a living?
We have just been introduced and you are asking a personal question. Here, drink this glass of vodka and we’ll talk about Ukrainian women first. If you must know, I own a shop that sells mobile phones. Business is not too good at the moment but I don’t concern myself with money. I am thirty-six years old. Do you ask your female guests the same question? No Ukrainian girl over thirty would answer anything so personal. Oh well…westerners.
What would I love the most about you?
What do you mean by this? What’s not to love? I am a big loveable hairy bear. If I wasn’t a breathing man, I’d be a warm blanket on a cold December night. I make people feel alive and I make them laugh. You would like this. Call me.
Where do you go when you are angry?
I go lie on my recliner. Did I tell you that it has four tiny motors to massage my entire back? Try to be angry after thirty minutes of heaven.
What is in your refrigerator right now?
Beer and apple juice. I believe my cousin has leftovers from the Chinese food we ordered two nights ago. Anything else you find should be handled with caution.
What is your most treasured possession?
I am sitting in it. My leather recliner has a built-in massager. It is heaven on earth and better for my back than Olga from the grocery store. I will leave that comment open for your amusement. No one is allowed to sit in my chair except for my cousin, Mila. She scares me so I do not mess with her.
What is your greatest fear?
My greatest fear would be waking up in the morning to learn that I am now a Russian citizen. That scares the crap out of me. Putin is a dirty word in Kiev.
Do you think the author portrayed you accurately?
No, not at all. Half the time he made me look like a buffoon. If you had seen those damn fish at the reactor you would have been horrified. The author avoided my intellectual side and focused on either dark or funny events in my past. He didn’t even talk about my girlfriends.
What are three must haves when shopping at the grocery store?
Apple juice, Perogies and mayonnaise. Sour cream is also an option but only if the mayonnaise is not fresh. I am usually very careful where I shop. Last year the old lady on the corner promised me that her batch of mayo was made a day earlier. I was sick for a week because of her lies. I was her best customer and now she sells potatoes at half cost because of her deceit. Stupid old woman. What was the question?
I’m opening up your cabinet. What foods do I see?
Why are you looking inside my cupboard? Is this a common practice in your country? You would see jars of unopened cabbage and oversized pickles. Maybe a box of matches and a bag of ginger cookies. I eat out or girlfriends bring me food so I have no need for storing cans or what not.
If you could change one physical thing about yourself, what would that be?
I’d lose my stomach because it’s becoming a distraction. I’m much too handsome to be fat. Ingrid from the barber shop told me that mayonnaise causes me to gain weight. I no longer speak to Ingrid.
Are you a loner or do you prefer to surround yourself with friends?
I have many friends and girlfriends. If you have money, you have friends. I have money so I have friends. Do you have money?
Who is your best friend?
I have two, Igor and Evgeni and I have known them since childhood. Evgeni is a Museum Director who blames all of Ukraine’s woes on Chernobyl. Igor is a doctor with a bad temper. One points fingers and the other bites them off.
Do you have children?
Maybe. Do you?
What’s your idea of a perfect meal?
Mama’s Perogies and cheese with a side dish of potato soup. On a winter night, this makes me forget our lives are crap.
Someone is secretly in love with you. Who is it and how do you feel about that?
Could be one of a hundred. It’s nice but why keep it a secret unless you’re the one who stole the big vase I kept by the balcony.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a cosmonaut. I figured if a monkey could do it, so could I.
If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
I would probably eat the pickles in my cupboard because they’ve been there forever. I’d also finish the beer in my fridge before freeloaders drank it at my funeral. You can have the apple juice if you want. Maybe I’d forgive Olga. Maybe not.
About the Author
Robert J Dornan is someone who wishes to leave a better world to his children. He realizes that the odds are slim but he will do whatever he can to increase the probability of success. He is always open to discuss new and innovative ideas and hopes someday to see the building of a functional solar city as well as a fair and community-driven compensation system.
Robert’s latest book is the historical fiction, 23 Minutes Past 1 A.M.
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About the Book:
In the early morning of her sister's wedding day, Mila Kharmalov stared in stunned silence at the coloured sparks streaming from Reactor Four of the Chernobyl Nuclear Plant. At that very moment, her life and the lives of everyone she knew changed forever.
Years later and on another continent, Adam Byrd was writing biographies for everyday people looking to leave their legacy in book form. When the woman he loved phoned from Kiev offering him the chance to write the story of a lifetime, he jumped at the opportunity not realizing that his voyage would be a bumpy ride through a nations dark underbelly. With the help of his friend's quirky cousin, Adam is nudged into a fascinating adventure of love, greed, power and psychotic revenge, culminating with a shocking finale.
23 Minutes Past 1 A.M. is a work of fiction based on factual events from Chernobyl and villages throughout Ukraine.