Jonathan Stuart: Hooked by Bobbi JG Weiss
We’re thrilled to be talking to Jonathan Stuart — or should I say, the infamous Captain James Hook? — from Bobbi JG Weiss's new novel HOOKED. It is a pleasure to have him with us today at Pimp That Character!
Thank you for your interview, John... err, Captain. Can you tell us your story?
Story? It is no story, my dear! I once had a life, a life just as real as yours! And that damnable boy took it from me along with my hand! (pauses) ...Forgive the outburst. I've yet to fully come to terms with it. I assure you, it is no delusion on my part, no drunken hallucination. I have been ripped from the life I knew and forced to play a part that I don't wish to play. But such is fate. I'm doing my best to get home, but once in the Neverland, how do you get back, hm? I've yet to figure it out, but I will. (long pause) I will...
Can you tell us about one of your most distinguishable features?
It's not what you'd think. (glances at the end of his right arm) Actually, it's my hair. That is, I refer to the hair I used to have. It was a perfect Southern California blond. I recall wearing it tied back. Now, of course — well, you can see it's gone black and curly and it's far too damned long. Do you know, I can't even trim it. It just grows right back! Go ahead, explain that to me, because I certainly don't understand it.
What would I love the most about you?
(explosive laughter) Oh, I don't know as there's anything you'd love about me, my dear. Not these days.
Where do you go when you are angry?
Ah, the question should be, where do I go at all? As you must know, I'm stuck on a bloody pirate ship. If I set foot on that confounded boy's island, I have to look out for his horde of puling brats or the Indians or that bloody ticking crocodile... No, my dear sweet interviewer, I have nowhere to go whether I'm angry or not. As I recall someone saying once... I don't quite remember who, but they said, "Sucks to be me." Let that suffice as my answer.
If you could change one physical thing about yourself, what would that be?
(snort of amusement) This is a trick question, perhaps? (holds up the hook on the end of his right arm) What do you think?
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Far far away from my horrid father and my wasp of an uncle and their pointless
Do you like to cook? If so, what is your favorite thing to cook?
I used to barbeque a very tasty steak. Now? (shrugs) No cows. The Indian tribe on the island had a small herd, but apparently I stole them some time ago. I have no recollection of doing so, but it's like so many things now — I know I did it, but I don't actually remember. I suppose I even might have barbequed steaks for the crew, but if I did, I have no memory of eating one myself. (licks lips) I do miss a well-cooked steak. You would have to bring that up...
Do you have children?
Good God in Heaven, why would you even ask me such a question?
Who is your best friend?
I have no friends. I suppose Smee is my confidant, though honestly, I don't trust him. Nor Cecco, though he's considerate enough. I do recall a woman... I can't remember her name, though I think it started with an M. Melody? No... well, regardless. After all I've been through, I don't trust anyone. And that includes you, my dear. Don't think I don't know how you intend to spread our little conversation among the rumor mongers. Go ahead, my reputation has survived worse.
What is your greatest fear?
You might think I'm afraid of Pan. Don't delude yourself. He's just a boy. A dangerous boy but a puling little sprog all the same. And you might also think it's the crocodile, but no. Well, yes, but... in all honesty, my greatest fear is... (taps skull). My memory confounds me these days. I get sudden images of faces and things that... I don't know who or what they are. Or used to be. Sometimes I'll have the most vivid dreams of strange places, great machines that can't possibly exist, and a house... an extraordinarily clean structure that is full of books. It frightens me. I think the images might be from my life, my real life. I may not know what they mean anymore, but I want them back. They belong to me! Oh, mark my words, I will get them back, all of them, everything that was mine that he took, I shall take back from him. I just have to figure out how...
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About The Author:
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About The Book:
Author: Bobbi JG Weiss
Publisher: Independent Self Publishing
Publication Date: July 21, 2014
Pages: 518
ISBN: 978-0990360001
Genre: Dark Fantasy / Horror
Format: Paperback, eBook, ePub, PDF
Purchase Book:
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He is not Captain Hook.
His name is Jonathan Stuart, and he’s just an ornery post-alcoholic bookstore owner from Pasadena with a mania for fencing and a bad habit of disappointing his girlfriend. He doesn’t want to be in the Neverland, impossibly trapped aboard the Jolly Roger with a horde of greedy stinking pirates. He was tricked there by Peter Pan.
Pan happily invites children to come to his wondrous magical island, but he has to trick adults. No adult in their right mind would go willingly. Adults, you see, don’t have a very good time in the Neverland. The fairies and mermaids are against them. The island itself is against them. Most of all, Peter Pan is against them.
In particular, Peter Pan is against Jonathan Stuart. Why? Jonathan had better figure that out, and he’d better do it fast before his mutating memories insist that, not only does he indeed belong in this nightmarish hell of bloodthirsty children, ticking crocodiles and vengeful boy gods, but he’s never existed anyplace else.
So you see, he’s definitely not Captain Hook.
Well, not yet.
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